Description

THE MOSTLY HARMLESS AND USELESS GUIDE TO NOTHING VERY USEFUL

Barnaby was a man of simple pleasures, namely collecting bread-bag tags and being professionally average. His life's greatest crisis was the day he was replaced by a velvet rope. That is, until he accidentally boarded a galactic garbage scow while looking for the Number 42 bus.
Now, Barnaby is the only thing standing between the universe and total linguistic collapse. Drafted as a "Neutral Arbiter" in a 300-year civil war fought entirely over the placement of an apostrophe, he must navigate a galaxy filled with:

Pedantic Generals who weaponize grammar. Existential Dread People who just want you to admit life is a bit of a bore. A Sentient Toaster with a Ph.D. in browning levels and a very bad attitude.

From the soggy streets of Earth to the Cosmic Kitchen at the edge of reality, Barnaby is on a quest to press the Universe's Reset Button. The only problem? The reboot takes ten billion years, and he's fairly certain he left the kettle on back home.

A 20-chapter epic about the beauty of being completely, utterly, and unapologetically useless